WEIRD GIGS AND HAPPENINGS, WE'VE ALL HAD THEM !! Options

[acko]

Ok, it's summer and I'm bored !

What's the weirdest thing that's happened on gig nights - the return journey, at the gig itself, anything at all??

I'm putting one of my quieter ones on first -

Playing at a club in Sleaford, and one of the guitarist's wife was a tad AC/DC, and not into that band, if you get my meaning??

We were packing away and sent her through to pick up the gig money from the concert secretary's wife.

One hour later........ we DID get paid...... eventually !!! Never been back.... can't think why!

Next...... the policeman and the weightlifter guitarist..... you'll be back !!

[IanMclane]

So.... Quieter ones first eh....


WELL............

Those of you who can remember the beachcomber will remember the stage protrusion at the fron that used to stick out into the audience....


My story begins earlier that day back in the early nineties,

New girlfriend who I wanted to impress and just spent a packet on a brand new pair of patent leather shoes.

Now I used to run onto the stage with lots of enthusiasm to get a crowd livened up at the beginning of my show.

This night was no different to any other...... So I thought..

The compere says "ladies and gentlemen","please welcome on stage Mr IAN MCLANE......"

I come running out.... then it all goes wrong.

Planning to stop just near the front of the stage protrusion I came to a halt.....

Or rather didn't....

You see... Beachcomber had re-varnished the stage......

add in new patent leather shoes...

Well as I skidded forward falling over and skiing across the stage I flew off the front of the stage... landed on the table at the front around which was seated a big group on a sun newspaper special deal budget holiday...

Sitting up, rathher dazed I coined my now regularly used catchphrase....

"And the crowd went wild!"


Was a great night and three weeks later the bruises did finally fade.....

[The Reverend]

When i was in a duo we used to have a game that we played on the way to a new venue. We took it in turns to guess what the room, stage and decor was and if we got a couple right then that person won... just a bit of fun.

One night when it happened to be my turn i guessed that the room would be large and long, we would bring the gear in from the right of the stage, the dressing room will be adourned with pictures of past acts, big dance floor and the bar would run along the back of the room. I even added that the barlady would be called Carol.

When we arrived i was gobsmacked that i had manage to guess EVERYTHING correctly.

Whilst we was going through our last set i remembered that i hadnt found out the name of the barlady so over the mic i explained all about the game and up until now i had managed to predict everything correctly. When i asked what the woman behind the bar name was she shouted back "Karen"

I thought... "thats close enough for me!!"

[Second Nature Te...]

This one is slightly different, as it's about a band rather than a single event.

In 1974 I was asked to dep in as guitarist for a band who had a gig in two days time, ( my band were on holiday )and as many people who know me know, I'm a sucker for saying yes to dep jobs. The band was 'Butterfly' with Doug Ormonde on bass and our own 'Drummerboy' John on drums. Anyway, we only had one rehearsal in John's house before our gig at the Alpha Cement Club in Kirton Lindsey and we learned about five songs.

So on the night, we blasted into our five songs, followed by anything that we could think of, with John and Doug besides being very talented musicians, were also natural comedians, and 'bounced' off each other so well. Anyway, we had a great night, and at the end, the concert secretary ( a musically switched on guy ) said to us, ' the first few songs were real slick, but it wasn't quite so tight after that, but great night'.
At the time, I was in an established band with plenty of work, where as Butterfly with guitarist problems were struggling to get going, but when they asked me on the night if I would join them, I jumped at thrt chance as I saw such potential.

So the next week, ( with probably 15 songs now ) our next gig was at the Sleaford Legioners Club, and on arrival, we were told that after a 20 minute pop set, we were to perform our comedy cabaret show ( as per usual, the bloody agent had booked the wrong band! )
So anyway we went on, and it was like somebody threw a switch with those two, with jokes and impersonations flowing fast! Never mind the audience,I was in bits while trying to keep the music flowing. To say that we succeeded was an understatement, with various comedy moments included in our shows from them on.

As we know, I now work with some stunningly good musicians, and I love every minute of it, but for a 70's three piece pop / cabaret band, Butterfly really were something special, thanks John and Doug for some real fond memories

[acko]

Many moons ago, my rhythm guitarist was also a former junior England weightlifter - same age group as Geoff Capes, so think of him handling his show canaries and compare huge hands caressing a fretboard !

We ran an old converted Bedford CF van with an extra row of seats behind the front two.

End of gig in Retford - good gig , nothing out of the ordinary, everyone tired and ready to go home!

Back row asleep before we set off home - Acko on driving duties homeward bound..... and then went the wrong way up a one way, meeting two policemen en route.

"Sorry, officer, didn't notice any one way signs, (some little charmer had broken the sign), can you show us the correct route to get out of the town, please?"

"Right, sir, you'll all have to get out of the van so that we can check you over!" - Should make note that policeman 2 was a rookie on his second night patrol!

"Um, you may have trouble waking up our guitarist in the back - he's solid off asleep."

Policeman 2 - "He'll get out when I tell him !"

"Best of luck, he's got a foul temper when he's tired, we'll stand back and watch!"

Policeman 2 reaches in to tug the guitarist out of the van, only to find a hand around his throat, growling "Who the ---- do you think you are waking me up, damn, I need a ---- now I've woken up!"

Policeman 2 - "If you try to have a --- in the shop doorway, I'm booking you!"

Guitarist - "You'll be wearing that book where the sun doesn't shine if you touch me, mate !"

Proceeds to leave van and --- in doorway ( 5' 11" and probably 18 stone in weight - think Giant Haystacks in looks / Bob Hite - Canned Heat.

Senior copper - no car back up in those days - thinks "let's cool this down and get rid of this lot!"

"Right, lads, get back in , this is the way home, don't cause any more bother and get on your way!"

Policeman 2 - "But, but, but !!!!"

Policeman 1 - " Let's just keep the peace and move them on, son, you'll learn diplomacy as you go on in life !"

We climb in and vamoose back home !

Another quiet gig out of town!



Next - how to hitch a lift home in a circus hamburger van - you had to be there !

[Marblehead]

Thanks for starting this thread Acko... it's made entertaining reading.

[acko]

A lot of punters just think we turn up, play, and go home - there's lots of times when weird things happen that need to be told!

[True]

I remember in my Stuck In The Middle days

we had a gig lined up in a brand new place for us - the Wool Pack in Louth, been on the cards for a while, our manager Neil had been in telephone dialogue with the gaffer for a while - all good, both parties looking forward to it, opening up a whole new town for us

Comes the day, our convoy rolls from Grimsby & Epworth into Louth - bob and weave the streets to find this pub. Neil goes in to meet the boss while we wait outside - he then emerges looking perplexed

"They've never heard of us - don't even do live bands! - they've never heard of this bloke I've been dealing with, the gaffer in there has been the gaffer for years!!!" Neil informs us

We start thinking that we've been the victim of an elaborate hoax

"What's that's guy's number you've been talking to then?" Deb angry demands
"What's the area code?" I calmly ask

"01652" he tells me

"That's Brigg!" I exclaim "You Berk!" I add "Louth is 01507 - Brigg is 01652!"

So we have a quick giggle and a jump back into our cars like Its A Mad Mad Mad Mad World and zoom (within the speed limits of course) across Lincolnshire to Brigg - got there in the nick of time, and had a great gig in the Wool Pack Brigg

had a few in there during the life of the band

- any body else had a similar encounter?

[acko]

Mid seventies -

How about having to put up a screen message at a cinema showing in Market Rasen to remind the bass player he should actually be in Barrow at the Haven Inn??

How about the elderly barmaid at the same pub having a bass playing son who stood in at 15 minutes notice for us until the bass player got there???

You couldn't write it !!

[Second Nature Te...]

Here's one;

In my last band 'Harvest' during my drumming days, we were booked to play at a club in Nottingham on a friday night ( their main entertainment night, with organ and drums only on the saturday ) and we were also doing a country evening there on the sunday, ( a very versatile band Harvest )so with no saturday gig, we planned to leave the gear there on the friday night, ready for the sunday gig.
Anyway, about three days before, we picked up a saturday gig, so we did the friday, and removed gear for the saturday at another club, all ok so far.

So sunday comes, and we head out to the first club for our country gig, only to find that the place had burned down that afternoon, with the fire grigade still there! ( no Acko, they hadn't nicked our barrow )It really shook us to think that we would have lost all of our equipment if we had stuck to the original plan.

Anyway, about a year later, we returned to the now rebuilt club, and when talking to the commitee guy about the fire, he asked if we ever got paid for turning up on the sunday, and when we said no, he brought us a cheque for our missed fee, how nice is that!!

[Exploding Trouze...]

Summer 1983, in a band called Citizen If, playing all original stuff loud and brash a bit like (early) U2, Clash, Psychedelic Furs etc. We had a gig at the Fighting Cocks pub in Moseley Birmingham and it was a popular place for the die-hard Brummie Punks who often came to our gigs and even band practices!
At band practice a couple of days before we were messing around with a very heavy version of the JOE90 theme tune with no intention of including it in the set.
At the gig the place was packed and we were going down really well with loads of punky pogo-ing, pushing and spitting going on! Unplanned, for the last encore we all seemed to look at each other and say 'JOE90' and ripped ito it. The place erupted, glasses & bottles flying, fighting, even more pogo-ing, spitting etc. a total fog of chaos in front of us! We were terrified the gear and indeed ourselves were gonna get wrecked but we just carried on playing and strangely nothing, not a single spit, came our way!
The place looked like Beirut afterwards but what a night - can't beat a good theme tune!

[acko]

ANYONE FOR A BURGER??? Read on before you buy your next burger !

In my (very old) days of drumming with Gambler - circa 1979 - I ran a converted Bedford CF van with double row of seats and full to the gunnels with group gear. I can't remember where we had played, but we were returning along the old A18 link to scunthorpe when a huge cloud of smoke and a grating sound came from the back end. the rear half shaft was cream crackered and had caused the break down at around 2am.

Mmmmm....... what to do ..?????

Dave, our vocalist said - "I'll hitch a lift with Nige and we'll bring back my firm's twin wheel transit for the gear and you lot , then organise the empty van to come in later today."

It was a plan.... so out they got and up went the thumbs.......

After a while with no luck, a van came to a halt..... a local circus was moving on, and along came the burger van....... "Come on, lads, get in !"... so off they went, sat in the back.

Sadly the rear of the van wasn't too clean and they started to soak in the runny fat that had seeped onto the floor..... mmm.... tasty...... very tasty in fact..... as the rat that was hiding in the van came out to see what was fresh on his menu..... yummy !!!!

Needless to say, the cold in our van sounds great compared to their journey home...... cowering together away from the bright eyes of a hungry rat.....and when they came back to rescue us, the story was told, we re-packed Dave's van and got ready to go !!

Dave, ????? Yeah, what?? Why is this fuel gauge stuck on empty ?????

Er, dunno, maybe it's broke, we'll just have to hope there's enough in to get us home !!

hard to drive with five pairs of crossed fingers behind you!!

But..... we got home !! Woke the whole street up at 5.45 am to unload the van so that Dave could take it back without them knowing - he was the works key holder (fools!)

Oh, yeah , got the parts the following day, no Green Flag get-you-home in those days, and repaired the van on jacks at the side of the road then drove it back home !

Happy days! Regular two gigs a week in those days, so the van had to be a goer quickly !

So,.... who's for that burger now..... ???? yummy !!

[Rock Steady]

I REMEMBER PLAYING IN A LOCAL HEAVY ROCK/METAL BAND ABOUT 1981, WE PLAYED OUR DEBUT GIG AT LOUTH TOWN HALL SUPPORTING LOCAL ROCKERS CENTURION, WE HAD BEEN TOGETHER ALL OF A FORTNIGHT A TAD ROUGH, I REMEMBER ON TV THAT NIGHT WAS A FILM CALLED SALEMS LOT BEEN SHOWN BIT OF A CULT HORROR MOVIE, SOME 5 YEARS LATER WE WERE PLAYING OUR FINAL GIG AT THE OLD SUB IN CLEETHORPES, YOUVE GUESSED IT THAT SAME NIGHT SALEMS LOT AGAIN ON TV....WEIRD OR WHAT??